On my walk into work today I found myself engaging with everyone I passed, making eye contact, smile and saying, “good morning.” Not a single person of the seven I passed said “good morning” in reply. All but one gave eye contact and most smiled. But I felt annoyed. “What is wrong with people? how hard is it to say ‘good morning’? How rude!”
My mood, which had been uplifted and peaceful as I started my cool morning walk through the stunning tree-lined streets of SE Portland had turned sour. And I noticed.
I noticed I have expectations of other people. They should respond in a way I’m expecting. They should be polite and polite looks this way. If I do xyz, then you do xyz.
As soon as I recognized how my own expectations were creating the judgmental thoughts that led to my discomfort I tried a new thought. What if my only expectation is of myself? The shift was remarkable.
From the perspective of Nonviolent Communication we create big messes in our lives when we lose touch with our own needs. Making any judgement about another person is actually our confused attempt to meet our unmet needs.
For example, today my need for experiencing the interconnectedness of life was at the forefront of my energy to engage with each person I met. But some mornings a quiet nod is all I give because my need for solitude is balanced with my need for connection to others. Different moment, different needs. And then there’s the other person’s feelings and needs. A lot of stuff going on in the half-a-second we pass another person on the street!
The great thing about these little moments of waking up to our blind spots is how they create the desire for larger energy shifts in our lives. After feeling the joyful peace of releasing expectations I got curious about what expectations i’m placing on my partner right now?
What expectations of others are holding you back from peace and space?
